


this is not a victory march

by HMK



Series: And Against All Odds, Happiness [1]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Confrontations, Gen, Not Really A Happy Ending, Taako is itching for a fight, Tension, The Bureau of Balance love their wine mom, The rating is really just because Taako swears a lot? I don't even know if it's necessary, rightfully so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-16
Updated: 2017-09-16
Packaged: 2018-12-30 07:11:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12103461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HMK/pseuds/HMK
Summary: Taako's determined to get his pound of flesh.The Bureau of Balance aren't about to let him get it.





	this is not a victory march

After the dust settles in the wake of their victory, and it’s finally sunk in that they’ve won and everyone tries to figure out what happens now _,_ Taako goes after Lucretia. Magnus has rushed into forgiveness wholly and completely and Merle was never as angry, while Lup and Barry are just so happy to be reunited that Lucretia’s betrayal isn’t given another thought. Davenport’s another story altogether, but he’s holding whatever he feels so closely to his heart that no one really knows how he’s processing it. But Taako, once the high of the thrill of victory subsides to a more manageable sense of triumph, realizes that it’s not enough to fill that awful ache inside of him that is still burning with grief over the previous decade. There’s still a gaping hole inside of him holding everything he has lost and endured during the last decade and for the first time in a decade who knows _exactly_ who to turn this rage and grief against. 

Finding her is harder than he'd expected; she’d slipped away after the first few rounds of congratulatory hugging and excited exposition and he hadn’t exactly been focusing on her while he was reveling in being back with _Lup_ and flirting shamelessly with Kravitz. In the end, it turned out that the problem with finding her had been his assumption that she'd be hiding. But she hadn't been hiding, she had been _working._ It was so fucking typical it made him want to scream. 

“If you can hold on for healing, please move down to the right. If you or someone around you is badly hurt and need immediate recovery, please make your way to the left. If you cannot move, please lift your hand so one of us can assist you. If someone beside you is being too stubborn to accept that they need help, please hold your hand up instead. We _will_ get through everyone, and everyone is going to be fine.”

Lucretia is operating out of a field right outside of the walls of Neverwinter, directing members of the Bureau and restoring order to what had only an hour ago been a chaotic and heroic last stand. More fucking balance, Taako thought to himself, irritably. She’s found another staff from somewhere, although its purpose is clearly being fulfilled by Avi who’s standing resolutely by her side, an arm on her bicep supporting her weight. Healers and clerics bustle around her as other members set up cots and direct waiting lines and people are being rearranged into patients from most to least urgent. 

“Killian, you stay on this fucking cot or so help me, I’ll-!”

“I’m fine! It’s just a head wound, we get these all the time! They just look like they bleed a lot even if they’re harmless,-”

“Harmless, my _ass!_ You’ve got a bloody concussion, emphasis on fucking _bloody_!”

“Ma’am, where are you going-“

“I just want to talk to Killian and Carey, Avi, you can let go-“

“With all due respect, you look like you’re going to pass out, yourself, ma’am, I’ll come with-“

“Sir!”

All the babble seems to quiet down as Taako approaches the makeshift field hospital. Lucretia turns from Killian’s side to see him, a quiet smile spreading over her face. A radiant smile, in fact, that dies as quickly as it appears, her expression turning tight with tension as he gets closer. 

“Taako.” Her words are quiet, clipped with anxiety. 

“I haven’t mentioned how glad I am that the apocalypse didn’t do my fucking job for me, did I Lucy?” Taako says pleasantly, vitriol lacing every word. His blood is sizzling in his veins but he feels so cold, looking at her.

To her credit, Lucretia doesn’t try to do anything stupid, like try and tell him to calm down. She just looks at him with that stupid, weary, world-on-her-shoulders expression on her face and tries to step away from Avi, tapping at his hand to release her arm. Avi’s grip only gets tighter, Taako notices, and he doesn’t know if it’s to keep Lucretia from running away or to keep her from facing him alone. 

“Taako, I’m sorry.” She says it helplessly like she knows it’s not enough but it’s all she has to offer. His responding laugh is sharp and caustic, even to his own ears. 

“Sorry?”

Without him realizing, he’s already stepping forward, his hand already in the air, beginning to glow with-with what, he’s not sure. Part of him wants to cast Magic Missile, part of him just wants to slap her, but before he can solidify what he’s going to do, there’s a small hand yanking at his sleeve. He looks down, and there’s Angus McDonald, large bespectacled eyes pleading for something he's not sure he can grant. 

“Sir, _no._ ”

“Let go, Ango.” Taako says firmly, and he tries to be gentle in disentangling Angus from his sleeves, but his grip is tight and it takes more than a hot second to get the kid off of him. 

“Sir, I know she made a mistake, but please don’t hurt her-!”

“ _A mistake?”_ He snarls and turns on Lucretia again and she just looks at him with grief in her eyes. “Is that what she’s told you?” 

“Stand down, Taako.”Killian is getting to her feet from behind Lucretia, her normally cheerful expression somber as she settles a hand over Lucretia’s shoulder. Lucretia tries to shrug her hand off, distress finally spreading over her face at the situation that’s unfolding in front of her, but Killian’s hand is steady and remains where it is. 

“Killian, no! You’re in no shape to be-Carey, talk some sense into Killian!” 

But Carey has already positioned herself protectively in front of the Director-Lucretia, Taako reminds himself-while Avi is slanting his stance ever so slightly so that his shoulder is nudging her a half step behind him. Sandwiched between Avi and Killian and blocked by Killian, Lucretia really does look like a Madame Director, some sort of final boss that he should be confronting at the very end of a long journey. In some ways, this makes it easier on him, distancing the person who had taken so much from him from the person he had shared meals, blood, laughter, and tears with. 

The image is broken by the fact that Lucretia is trying to push them away. “Enough!” She says exasperatedly. “The fighting is supposed to be _over_ now!”

“For you maybe.” Taako retorts in a low voice. 

“We’re not about to let you attack the Director, Taako.” Killian says uncomfortably, apologetic but unmoving. 

“You don’t know what she did-“

“We know that the Director did something to all of you and that’s not cool. At all. But if the alternative was seven different types of Phandalin happening on the regular or you guys jetting off to some other plane and letting the Hunger swallow us up…” Carey shrugs apologetically.

“We’re grateful that she did.” Avi interjects when it’s clear that Carey isn’t going to say it. “We’re totally not saying that it’s cool, what she did to you, but we owe a lot to her.”

“My intentions weren’t nearly so noble-“ Lucretia tries to protest, and she’s turned a deep plum color but she’s largely drowned out by her employees as they just talk over her. 

“Noble or not, we owe a lot to you, ma’am.”

“Yeah with all due respect, ma’am, shut up and let us take care of you.” 

Taako’s lips have curled into a sneer despite himself. 

“Isn't that precious Lucy? Is that why you made us forget? Decided to get rid of the people who wouldn't let you have your precious little way and make a whole new fucking family for yourself who'll do everything you say like fucking sheep-“

“Taako, that's enough! _”_ For the first time, Lucretia’s voice is sharp and disapproving.

He looks at the scene in front of him and has to swallow past the thick lump rising in his throat. Angus has made his way back in front of Taako, between him and Lucretia, wringing his hands desperately as his admiration for Taako wars against his affections for the Director across his bespectacled face. Carey, Killian, and Avi look at him warily, continuing to stand their ground and the fight drains out of him, leaving him even emptier than before. 

He didn’t want this. Things weren’t supposed to go this way. He hadn’t meant to try and attack Lucretia, hadn’t planned to say what he said about the other members of the Bureau, but he saw her and everything he’d meant to say had gone flying right over the edge of the moon and all he'd wanted was to make her hurt like him. He doesn’t want to fight them anymore though. He wants-he wants to go and try to hug Lup again. He wants Kravitz to hold him. He can’t give voice to all the things he wants, but he doesn’t want this. 

“Taako.” Lucretia’s voice has softened and she looks concerned, and he _really_ doesn’t want anything from her. “Taako, please. Can we talk later-“

“You know what?” He interrupts loudly, with sudden, cheery bravado, pretending not to hear her. “Fuck this. Forget it.”

“Taako-!”

Taako turns away from her, just barely seeing her hand reaching out towards him, over and past Carey's shoulder. Behind him, he can hear Carey scolding Killian back to bed and Avi stopping the Director again. He's walking away now, stride getting longer with every step as he tries to get away from _her_ as fast as he can.

“Killian, get the fuck back in bed until someone takes care of that cut!”

“I’m sitting, I’m sitting!”

“Avi, please let go of my armnow, I’ll be fine.”

“You’re not going to do anything stupid, ma’am?”

“Your concern is appreciated but unnecessary. Angus. Angus dear, come here, are you all right?”

“Are _you_ all right, ma’am?” 

He hears the sound of heavy cloth rearranging itself against the ground and glances back to see Lucretia bending down, her hand draping over Angus’ shoulder as the kid tries to figure out whether he’s allowed to hug her or not. Something cold yanks at his insides again but he shoves whatever it is back out of sight because that’s enough of that feeling shit for today, thank you very much. 

The rest of the crew are supposed to be planning some sort of celebration or something and Sterling’s supposed to be breaking out the booze or some shit like that out of his reserves and honestly, Taako’s good out here, away from these losers. 

The further away he gets from them, the closer he gets to believing it. 

**Author's Note:**

> So I feel like something I should definitely note is that I don't at all believe that Taako is wrong in any way for the way he feels regarding Lucretia and my biggest fear with this piece is that that's the way it's going to come across?
> 
> But also at the same time, I adore Lucretia with every fiber of my being and just wanted to explore some of the ways that her relationship with the BoB would manifest.


End file.
